You may be proud and hard-headed, or you may be lost and totally open to taking direction in all forms at this point.
You, on the other hand, have done none of this, which is probably why you feel so unprepared for the legal battle that is to come. This is advice is not meant to be taken as legal advice. What follows is my experience- and research-based opinion on common sense divorce advice for men.
In TV shows and movies, the typical divorce narrative is to portray women as celebrated victims. Meanwhile, men are depicted as silent sufferers who feel resentment, anger, depression and fear over lingering financial issues, relationship turmoil and worries over breaking up their families.
Off camera, the truth is that men don't always have the tools — or the support — to deal with these very real concerns. You want a support system in place, just like any other major life change.
Men’s divorce advice
Sure, the old adage is true: Time heals all wounds. But good advice helps too.
The more men know about what to expect when they're dissolving their marriages, the easier the process can be. So we consulted Bari Zell Weinberger, a matrimonial attorney at Weinberger Law Groupas well as Blaylock, for the key dos and don'ts of what men need to know about the financial side of divorce. For instance, says Weinberger, the price can increase exponentially if your divorce requires niche experts, like a forensic ant or a co-parenting counselor.
Cordell & cordell understands the concerns men face during divorce.
Other pricey scenarios: You need to get your business evaluated your ex is entitled to equitable distribution if you launched the business during the marriage, and even if you started your business before you were married, a spouse may be entitled to part of the increase in the business's valueyou have high net worth and need a best-interest evaluation or you're facing a hotly contested custody battle with your soon-to-be ex. According to Weinberger, one other crucial element that men — and women — who are parents should think about if they're embroiled in extreme litigation: The more money you spend on your divorce, the less money you have to give your.
Alimony offers monetary help to the spouse who was supported financially during the marriage — especially if one parent left the workforce to focus on the family for a long period of time. Spouses usually provide alimony in one of three different ways, depending on state laws: As a lump sum, in regular payments, or in another predetermined arrangement — say, if you cut a check to a third party to pay an ex's mortgage. It's also important to note that alimony is separate from child support.
8 financial tips for men getting a divorce
But the impact of alimony isn't just financial — there's also a psychological component. Men may feel that a former spouse doesn't deserve to receive "free" income based on their hard work. Weinberger notes that many of her clients are resistant to paying because no one — man or woman — wants to have to write out a check to an ex.
Weinberger's advice? Just be sure to file a separate tax return using a form. If a woman is making more than her spouse or if the father is a stay-at-home parent while the mother works, then the ex-husband could be entitled to receive alimony.
According to the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, 56 percent of divorce lawyers have seen an increase in mothers paying child support, and 47 percent have seen more women paying alimony, as well.
How to cope with divorce as a man: 12 survival tips (new guide)
But being an alimony recipient can sometimes bring about feelings of insecurity, notes Weinberger. If they're a stay-at-home dad or there is a large discrepancy in income, they should receive it. When a man going through a divorce comes to David for financial planning advice, he sits him down to talk logistics.
According to Blaylock, men typically think about the money that they'll have to pay upfront for divorce-related expenses — the actual divorce, child support, alimony — but forget that everyday expenses are going to change once they're newly single. For example, if you have t custody, you'll need things like clothes and toys so your kids can live comfortably in your house. Some co-parenting experts say that many kids who split the week between moms and d actually prefer to have all of the items they need at each house, so they don't lose anything in the transfer.
A half-half split is easier said than done — just because you're getting divorced doesn't mean that you won't still feel tremendous attachment to your ex. Because of this, says Blaylock, many men and women cave to lopsided agreements — and this is often the case with men who are used to taking care of a spouse financially.
He gave her everything, much to his financial detriment. It's O. Typically, child support covers basic necessities — food, clothing, shelter. Depending on how you arrange your settlement, it may also include uninsured medical expenses, educational fees, child care, transportation, travel, entertainment, college and extracurricular activities.
Divorce advice for men: 8 common mistakes that destroy leverage
Many arguments can erupt between ex-spouses over managing these costs. And, unfortunately, all of those expenses may be tough, if not impossible, to itemize. And they're not going to get them. That's why Weinberger advises her clients to come up with what she calls "hybrid" solutions. For instance, if you can pay a service provider directly, like -care provider, then you can avoid fighting over the money. One father I know, Weinberg recalls, even prepaid medical providers, as well as contributed to the mother's share of their plan.
What is the best divorce advice for men?
For children who are old enough, buy them a cell phone that's deated for the sole purpose of contacting you. Call it the "Dad Phone," and ask your ex to leave it in a spot where your child can always find it. Adding an additional line to your plan should be relatively inexpensive, though the cost will vary depending on your provider and whether or not you opt for a pricier smart phone.
Don't switch jobs.
Don't move to a new city. That said, the cost of a divorce can still vary — and widely. Don't be too proud to pay alimony… Alimony offers monetary help to the spouse who was supported financially during the marriage — especially if one parent left the workforce to focus on the family for a long period of time. Do create a post-divorce life budget When a man going through a divorce comes to David for financial planning advice, he sits him down to talk logistics.
How to cope with divorce as a man
Do divide things equally A half-half split is easier said than done — just because you're getting divorced doesn't mean that you won't still feel tremendous attachment to your ex. Do look into alternative child support solutions Typically, child support covers basic necessities — food, clothing, shelter. Do set up a cellular plan For children who are old enough, buy them a cell phone that's deated for the sole purpose of contacting you.
Don't make impulsive financial decisions "Divorce is more like death than you can ever imagine," says Blaylock. How my divorce set me financially free 10 things you need to do when you get divorced Our first money fight: The trip that almost blew our marriage.
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