We can give it another chance; I know we can. As I am reading those words out loud, I feel a little sting in my heart. I felt beaten when he firmly said no.
We all want to know the secrets to love and understand what it takes to find it, keep it and have it in our lives. But there is a big difference between loving someone and being in love. In fact, there are 20 differences, according to psychologists. So if you are wondering whether you really love someone or you are in love with them, this list can help you figure that out. Being in love is a giddy experience like a sugar rush of the emotions. Loving someone is a bit different and gives a feeling of deep connection and comfort.
Romantic love is a key goal for many people. Falling in love with someone can feel exciting, even exhilarating. But over time, these feelings may settle into something that feels a little different.
1) excitement and desire vs. deep connection and comfort
This love might seem mellow or calm. Being in love generally refers to those intense feelings that take over at the start of a relationship. It may not seem like it, but being in love is a somewhat scientific process. Falling in love involves a lot of hormones, which can supercharge your feelings and make them wildly fluctuate.
Decreases in serotonin can fuel feelings of infatuation.
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Sex hormones, such as testosterone and estrogen, also play a part by boosting libido and leading to feelings of lust. Other key hormones, such as oxytocin and vasopressin, help cement your attraction by promoting trustempathy, and other factors of long-term attachment. Even after spending all day with your partner, you still feel lonesome when they leave.
Being in love can change the way you see things. Even everyday activities like going to the grocery store can become more enjoyable. You might also look at other things with new eyes. In fact, openness to new experiences is a great trait to have.
Typically, being in love with someone means you want to spend as much time with them as possible. This might also involve a desire to get to know more about them by exploring their interests. This is all pretty normal.
Try to remember to spend time with your friends, too, instead of letting love completely sweep you away. In the first rush of being in love, you might feel completely dedicated to your partner, ready to do anything and everything to help them through a tough spot or even just make their lives a little easier. Empathy and your fast-growing attachment can fuel your desire to be there for them and help them however possible.
But the hormones involved in love can sometimes affect how you make decisions. If you feel the urge to do something that would completely uproot or ificantly change your life, take some time and think it through. After some reflection, you may still want to quit your job and travel with your partner to a different country.
But make sure you really want to do it for yourselftoo. Sacrifices can be part of any kind of love. But people in love have a tendency to charge forward and offer help without thinking twice. But when it is, it can play a big part in falling in love with someone. The intensity of the hormones involved can affect your sex drive, increasing your desire for your partner and the passion you experience during sex. When you first fall in love, sex can also help increase closeness to your partner. Great sexual chemistry can make you feel good about sex and increase your desire to keep having it.
If your friends point things out, consider what they have to say. Love takes a lot of forms, and it can change over time.
When you first fall in love, you might not only idealize your partner but also want to present an idealized version of yourself. You might, for example, always try to look your best.
Or maybe you try to hide what you believe are flaws that might turn off your partner. But over time, as your relationship strengthens, you may feel more at ease being yourself. You accept that both of you will always wake up with morning breath. Sometimes you may not be completely conscious of this. You may find it easier to openly share your feelings with a partner you love and feel comfortable with.
A look into the psychology behind love.
Love often conveys a sense of security, so you may not feel like you need to hide your feelings or opinions to protect the relationship. Your partner, like you, is an imperfect human. They have good traits, of course, which probably helped you fall in love with them. Even the things that seemed endearing when you first fall in love, such as the way they brush their teeth at the kitchen sink, may become something you sigh and roll your eyes over. Loving someone requires you to see them wholly and accept all their parts, just as they see and accept all of you.
How to tell if you’re a love addict.
Always reach out to a professional if abuse is present. When you fell wildly in love with your partner, you probably had sex all the time. As your relationship stabilizes, you certainly still have sex, but maybe less often or with less intensity. You might even worry the relationship is failing. But often this only means the demands of life have made it necessary to plan time with your partner.
Sexual activity might happen less often, but the effort you put into connecting intimately can make those moments even better. The relationship might seem to progress smoothly, even flawlessly, and the two of you seem to be on the same about absolutely everything. Eventually you may need to prioritize your partner slightly less to take care of daily life. But love means you keep trying and make an effort to show you care. Loving someone can involve a sense of strong connection and trust. You know your partner well enough to rattle off their likes and dislikes, values, and strengths without a second thought.
Sometimes you might even feel like a single unit. So, you know you love your partner, but you think you may not be in love with them any longer. In fact, you might even feel a bit relieved to know your hormones have settled down a little. Some people prefer the excitement of being in love. Others prefer the intimate, deep connection associated with long-term love. Many people work toward long-term relationships for this very reason. What you want out of a relationship may make one seem better than the other, but healthy relationships are possible with either.
Research does suggest many people seek divorce after falling out of love. It just means you may need to put in a little extra effort to recharge things.
2) you always want them around vs. you’re fine giving each other space
Maybe you want sex to be more spontaneous, or feel excited about seeing your partner instead of comfortable. Talking to a relationship counselor can help you rekindle the feeling of being in love, but these tips can also help:. After making it past the early stages of infatuation, your feelings for your partner might become less intense. You may not long for their company in quite the same way. In fact, you might even enjoy time apart. Long-term love involves commitment. And you just might keep that actively in love feeling alive, too.
Crystal Raypole has ly worked as a writer and editor for GoodTherapy. Her fields of interest include Asian languages and literature, Japanese translation, cooking, natural sciences, sex positivity, and mental health.
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