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Dating a guy with high functioning autism

The autistic spectrum is wide and varied, so people can experience different types of problems.

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Please location to help us display the correct information for your area. When I started dating at 18 I had NO idea how to talk to people, let alone women. Many of the people I dated had good intents, but they may not have understood some of the quirks that people on the spectrum like me may have. For example, as a kid I hated being touched.

Name: Rhoda
Years old: 30

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A little while ago a client of mine walked into my office.

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She was completely distraught over the demise of her relationship with her boyfriend. Many men have issues communicating — and many resort to stonewalling or withdrawing when they sense acrimony. Autism Spectrum Disorder ASD is a neurodevelopmental disorder characterized by difficulties socializing, narrow or obsessive interests, compulsive adherence to rituals and routines, and communication problems. Here are a few ways to know if your partner might have Autism Spectrum Disorder and how to avoid Cassandra Syndrome:.

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People on the spectrum have a tendency to go into long boring monologues on their special interests or opinions — and without an internal social meter to tell them they are not being well-received or are going on too long — they have a tendency to come across as one-sided and even sanctimonious in some cases.

Many adults with ASD do not realize they are doing this and thus do not think it is a problem or a behavior they should change.

Because feelings and emotions make them uncomfortable, they tend to intellectualize subjects refer to books and studies which may make them come across as cold and unfeeling. Many individuals on the spectrum have difficulties in their transition into young adulthood and professional environments, as many jobs involve playing corporate politics and navigating social interactions with grace and poise. As a result, it may have taken your ificant other a while to learn the intricacies of the professional world.

His career is probably a sore subject for him and he may feel he is not as successful as he should have been — given how difficult the climb to the top may have been because of his socialization difficulties. People on the spectrum love information.

They love routines. They love being able to predict what happens next. Since there is no internal dialogue helping them read social cues for answers, they rely on facts and prompts from others to make sure they have control of the situation. My client once planned a surprise birthday party for her boyfriend — which he walked out of immediately upon arrival.

Spontaneity is usually something partners must give up in order to maintain peace in their relationship. If your partner is on the Autism Spectrum, there is a good chance that he has a few interests that he is extremely passionate about — almost to the point of clinical obsession. Sometimes, she felt that the interests were more important than their relationship as her partner would spend his free time researching the interest, instead of spending time with her.

Dating someone smarter than you

If he has told you at one point that he loves you — he may not feel the need to articulate this again unless his feeling have changed. For partners who are not on the spectrum, they often view verbal and romantic reassurance as a necessity in a relationship, while individuals on the spectrum view excessive validation as unnecessary since they believe that love should be measured in actions concrete rather than words abstract. Many people on the spectrum have sensory issues — bright lights, loud noises, and even touch especially light touch can be hard to them to handle.

As a result, having intercourse can present challenges. As a result, she felt she had to keeps her needs, desires, and sexual dissatisfaction a secret.

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You may have spent all day doing your nails, but your ASD partner will only comment on the tiny chip on your pinky finger or that you need botox or microneedling for your skin. All relationships are frustrating and require hard work, but these challenges can be more pronounced in a courtship where one of more partners is simply not wired to inherently understand others and their feelings.

The good news is the brain is plastic and over time even if it takes a very, very, very long time new behaviors can be formed and people can learn how to better serve their partners. To start have him take this online test we offer free.

Then if he shows enough symptoms, book an appointment for neurospychological testing. This in-depth assessment will tell him conclusively if he is on spectrum or not. Finding a trained and experienced psychologist, who has dealt with relationships involving individuals on the spectrum, can vastly assist and increase the chances of a relationship being successful.

Dating someone with high functioning autism

Becoming educated on Autism Spectrum Disorder and developing an in-depth understanding of how it affects relationships will better serve both partners in maintaining a happy bond. We offer therapy and treatment specifically for people with Aspergers.

While many behaviors can be learned and unlearned, some things about your ASD partner will remain consistent over time. Conflict and acrimony will always be a source of severe stress for him. Holiday gatherings are most likely a form of torture.

Video games may help him relax — even if he seems too old to be playing them. Many people have found that finding support groups in their area have tremendously helped them cope with some of the issues of ASD relationships. You can find these groups in your city on sites like www.

One of the benefits of being in a relationship with someone with ASD is that they are exceptional at certain things, though this varies from partner to partner. My client often recollects the way that she studied English literature in college and often dreamed of a man who could recite Shakespeare without faltering — and her mate had all sonnets memorized.

Remembering these special facets of your partner can help when you feel particularly frustrated in your relationship. People on the spectrum have difficulty anticipating the needs of others.

Special interests

While this organic anticipation might seem romantic in movies and novels, someone with ASD will most likely fail at a task such as picking a present without being given specific instructions. Exercising straight-forwardness will most likely solve and relieve a lot of stress in your relationship. Perhaps the most redeeming thing about falling in love with someone on the spectrum is being around someone who simply does not register or care for convention the way the rest of society does.

Remembering to accept yourself and your flaws — and extending this to your partner can be a wonderful way to grow and heal on our journey through life and love. He uses a holistic approach for treatment, which includes therapy, diet, exercise, medication if needed and neurofeedback training. He also has an online program for adults with ADD.

His books are sold on Amazon. He Might Have Aspergers. Cassandra Syndrome. .

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