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By Valencia. So, your best friend has a boyfriend and the relationship is getting serious. But at the same time, you might feel a twinge of jealousy. It's important to understand exactly why you're feeling this way. Are you jealous because you're not able to spend as much time with your friend, or do you feel jealous because you haven't found the love of your life.
What to do when life gives you lemons and your friends lemonade.
Here, she explores the deeper meaning of jealousy within platonic friendships, offering a new path to explore when you feel like a friend is being pulled away from you. Have you ever been in the clutches of friendship jealousy?
Not the insane and histrionic kind portrayed on reality shows, but the type of jealousy that makes you feel young, insecure, and ridiculous on the inside. A little while ago, I was talking to my friend Laurel about how it was so hard for me to share my best friend with another close friend.
I told Laurel about how the three of us had been on a long walk and they kept leaving me out of the conversation.
Discussing this with Laurel, we were both transported to other times when we had struggled to share friends, and the embarrassing and primitive feelings that it brought up in us. Jealousy can appear whenever we have a passionate fondness for someone, as common in loving friendships as romantic relationships. When we love anyone from a naked and non-controlling place in ourselves, we open our hearts to the unpredictable, untamable course of love.
Jealousy activates our primal dependency issues and often a sense of infantile defenselessness. It can make us feel crazy, and do crazy things, because it taps into our uttermost vulnerability—our fear of potential abandonment. When we think that someone will steal someone away from us, or that someone else will become more important than us to our beloved friend, we can feel helpless and powerless.
We face all the ways we feel inadequate, unattractive, and unlovable. What will I do?
Did you decide that having your BFF to yourself was too good to be true and that it was just a matter of time before they chose someone else over you? Did you temporarily freeze out a bestie who seemed poised to choose to do something wonderful with someone other than you?
12 ways to let go of jealousy
Jealousy shows us places we have not developed in ourselves—attributes that others have that we may want to work on. It can bring out our competitive side, which can be useful in upping our attention to things we want to improve in ourselves. Jealousy can point out places of unhealthy dependency in which we are relating from an immature and self-deprecating place to our friend, and reveal developmental insufficiencies that need healing.
It can offer us the opportunity to tell someone about our underbelly and just how much we may need reassurance and tenderness. Also, jealousy can highlight ways we do need to become more resourceful in terms of widening our circle of support so that we do not tax any one person with our most primitive needs and expectations.
In some cases, jealousy has brought to the surface all the ways in which I was taking a relationship for granted. People who avoid feeling any jealousy at all are also most likely holding back their full passion, not just in their relationships, but for life itself. This is not wrong.
But those who risk the vulnerability of jealousy are also those who can expose themselves to the greatest heights of self-love, as jealousy is like a laser, pointing out areas for maximum personal growth. Next time you are lucky enough to fall into the clutches of the green-eyed empress note that green is the color associated with the heart chakrayou can use this disorientation to propel you through the ever-illuminating labyrinth of self-awareness, towards a more perfect union with all your dimensions and potentials. For some, jealousy is indeed the ideally timed invitation for more authentic and intimate communication around your inner self and needs, the sacredness of the attachment, and what could make it even more vital and sustainable.