My husband and I have been married for 30 years and have a mostly happy, friendly, and supportive relationship. His interest in sexual relations declined after our children were born and came to a full stop five years ago. I have asked him to go to therapy with me on multiple occasions over the past five years.
She fought back the tears in saying it. This is a post specifically written for women.
January 20, What not having sex is doing to your marriage, part 2 Ok, ladies.
So many people wanted to know why I took the slanted approach of wives who are refusing their husbands. Honestly, I took that approach because that is what I have been seeing in my office in droves lately. But listen, the problem goes both ways, and by the end of the day, it was obvious I was going to have to address this issue from the opposite point of view. It is confusing to hear female friends complain about husbands who want it all the time and then come back to a home where no one is pursuing her.
What you can do
Marriage is a partnership. You enter it voluntarily and there are spoken and unspoken agreements. One of those agreements is that there will be a sexual relationship. When one partner refuses to participate, it is exceptionally selfish. Too many people keep ignoring this situation and hoping things will get better on their own. Sometimes they do but if things have been going this way for months or years, stop waiting and start pressing for some answers.
And that may very well be the truth. He may not be able to make the connection between how he feels and his libido. This is really a problem for me. It is very important to me that we get to the bottom of what is going on. I know this may make you uncomfortable, but I love you and our life together too much to just let this go any longer.
1. define what intimacy means to you
If he refuses to talk to anyone with you, let him know you will be going alone. You are just being honest and letting him know this is serious. In Part 1 of this series, I talked about the first of two very important cycles — the self-esteem cycle…. These are just a few of the desperate questions I hear from men who have struggled with getting control of their sexual addiction. You can see the frustration, anxiousness, and defeat on their faces.
Her blogs and newsletters have been featured in various publications and she is the author of the. I appreciate you taking the time to write this.
I am in a completely sexless more than 5 years marriage. I AM becoming extremely bitter. We have tried counseling and I hear the same complaints over and over but nothing changes. I live a very sad, isolated life.
For a man to seek medical help for an issue like this takes courage so kudos to your husband for his willingness to do so. Low T however may not be all that is in play here.
When your husband doesn’t want sex
There could be other issues at play. Or, it simply may be that being intentional with intimacy after a long hiatus can be awkward at first. Regards, Kim. I use to blame him for what he said about me and then I did the very same thing. I feel sick over it and totally sexless now. Seek help and guidance from a marriage and relationship expert on how to start repairing your relationship. TL for Kim. Also sex is stink, wet and gross. I prefer to just master bate and get on with life.
What to do when your partner doesn’t want to be intimate: here are 6 steps, according to experts
What is wrong with that? I hope that your spouse is a part of your decision and her needs are considered here too. If this is an area of conflict, I hope you think about reaching out for help.
Warmly, Kim. I just got married 4 months ago, and once we came back from our honeymoon, I was lucky if we had sex once a week. We live with his father, which I feel is part of the problem. Then on Saturday mornings, when his dad is at work, I try to wake him up around 9 or 10 to make love, but he says he needs his rest. I am soo so sorry too heear that,I wish I could offer you some advice but I too have a similar situation.
I got married too the man off my dreams 3 months ago. Before we got married we never haad sex as I was saving myself for marriage i being 23 and he obviosly haad had sex before as he is 37 but had waited since he met me. We always spoke about how great the sex would be once we got marries but we rarely have sex,I want too spend time with my husband all. The time because its something new for me and exciting I have never had sex and wwant too enjoy and experience all it has too offer with my husband but if we have sex once a week and he manages too last more then 10 minutes I am lucky.
I never come through sex and its affecting me because I always want too be with him,he says I pressurise him and force him and because of that he doesnt want too have sex with me but I dont force him because I. Feel like. I cant even tell my own husband that I would want too have sex with him aas not too make him feel pressured.
What to do when your husband doesn’t want to have sex with you
I feel alone and worthless and he never tells me he wants me or he finds me sexy and now I am so broken that when I wake up in the morning I just start cryinh cause its another day I know we wont have sex. He just doesnt see what it is doing too me,I feel so unatractive and broken. I dont understand why I saved myself for marriage because it doeesnt feel like it was worth it. And when I try and speak too him and tell him what I feel in my heart,he says Im making it worse and.
Putting more pressure on him and now he wants too. Be with me even less…I am so broken. You are a newlywed and I hate that you are experiencing this in should be an exciting time in your life. I can imagine you feel crushed, having waited to share sex with your spouse only to have him not seem to be as interested in you as you are in him.
Differences in sex drives, frequency preferences and the like often cause discord in couples.
Sometimes there are medical issues at play to cause a partner not to want sex. Many of those couples seek a third party to help them work through them and figure out a solution that meets the needs of both partners.
What to do when your partner doesn’t want to be intimate
We can help you if you are interested. Please give us a call. Carol, I can feel your hurt and pain in your words. Wishing you the best, Kim. I am living in a sexless marriage. It is the second marriage for both of us.
I have cried my eyes out to him about how much this hurts me. I have told him that it makes me wonder what is wrong with me, am I that disgusting. I told him eventually my pride would kick in and I would stop begging my husband to touch or god forbid have sex with his wife. I find cum stains in his underwear…. I found porn on his browser history. He came up with the most ridiculous excuse I have ever heard to explain it. He denies masturbating, porn use or having an affair.
Now his thing is that I never try anymore. I am so angry and hurt. I am filled with resentment that has spilled into every area of my life. Please advise. I commend you for speaking up!
When a marriage is sexless, there is always a reason or reasons. Porn and affairs are two of them. Emotional disconnect or physical issues are others. I have a specialist on my team who specializes in sexual issues.
I have solved my feelings of seeming inadequacy with the consumption of food.