Repeat as many times as you need until you no longer give AF. Better yet, why wait until confrontation arises to get a whirl out of these?
And if there are no friends availableyou can always pull up a chair and get practicing for your special appearance on an episode of Comedy Central Roast. A girl can dream, right? Reminder: While we all need to blow off steam from time to time moms especially!
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These funny comebacks and insults are what our minds are really made of
How many licks till I get to the interesting part of this conversation? You cute.
Like my dog. He also always chases his tail for entertainment.
Did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours? You bring everyone so much joy! You know, when you leave the room. But, still.
Oops, my bad. Did I invite you to the barbecue?
Then why are you all up in my grill? Somewhere out there is a tree tirelessly producing oxygen for you.
You owe it an apology. Well, you smell like hot dog water. Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
Be prepared for questions and put-downs about gender
That must suck. The political shade! Well, the jerk store called. If you have a problem with me, write the problem on a piece of paper, fold it, and shove it up your ass. You have an entire life to be an idiot.
Why not take today off? Some people are like slinkies — not really good for much, but they bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs. Are you almost done with all of this drama? Because I need an intermission.
Things said to single women that need to die in
Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory. Your family tree must be a cactus because everybody on it is a prick.
Since you know it all, you should know when to shut up. Life is full of disappointments, and I just added you to the list.
10 compliments that women actually find insulting
I was going to make a joke about your life, but I see life beat me to the punch. The last time I saw something like you… I flushed. The only work-life balance I want is being away from you. When you start talking, I stop listening. Get daily updates, kick-ass content, and curated recommendations.