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Losing the one i love

I would gladly do bloody backspins before suffering heartbreak. The shitty thing is… we rarely get to choose.

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Posted October 24, Reviewed by Kaja Perina. A few weeks ago, a friend of mine told me about a particularly painful breakup he'd gone through recently. His girlfriend had decided she no longer wanted to be with him and had summarily cut him out of her life. Naturally, he yearned for an explanation and some closure, so he confronted her.

Name: Amil
Age: l am not fifty yet

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Losing the love of your life makes you realize that love can truly be a double-edged sword.

It can make us feel so uniquely connected to the world and fill our hearts so they are overflowing. It can also slash our hearts to shreds, leaving painful emotion seeping out for a long time to come. And one of the most painful places to be in is the one where you feel regret, guilt, and pain for losing someone you see as too much of a loss to recover from.

But now they are gone. Losing the love of your life and actually realizing it can take some time to surface. There is pain on both sides when a breakup occurs.

A time of healing. A time when moving on begins and life slowly becomes happier. The pain subsides, and you reflect on the lessons you learned and seek new love. Where you find yourself thinking of someone every day. Losing the love of your life is painful. You feel heavy with guilt, and regret lives in your gut. It is often at this point you question yourself, and think that this person you lost, has left a hole in your life that can never be filled.

As you begin to emotionally process your role in the breakup, you slowly come to the painful realization that you self-sabotaged yourself and this relationship. Was it about money — did you make more or did they make less? Did this make you feel threatened, unworthy, or guilty?

How and why we self-sabotage — the reasons are endless. The whole sabotage thing is a red flag that we are not in tune with ourselves and our needs. It a we are disconnected with who we are and where we are going in life right now. It also highlights our fears, insecurities, and inability to be honest — with both ourselves and others.

7 things losing the one you loved teaches you

Losing them is all we can think of and we fail to see that we have also lost ourselves. Life is tinted in winter hues and life is not moving on. Attempts to begin dating again, to be in a new relationship, still leave you finding yourself unable to disconnect. The feeling of wanting them and missing them fills each day.

The guilt you feel for hurting this special person holds tight. When you think of them, your heartstrings pull because you remember just how pure their intent was. How they were always so consistent, so steady and so effortlessly able to be themselves. Always there for you. No drama. No one else can measure up to those qualities.

WTF happened? You may even dislike yourself at times because you know it was YOU that caused the split and you are responsible for causing pain to someone you really value and cannot move on from.

P.s. i love you

The one who deserved so much more than the crap you gave them. HOW did losing the love of my life become my reality?

There is one caveat with this however, you need to be completely honest with yourself before you even attempt to contact this person. You need to reconcile within before you can reconcile with anyone else. So, WHY did it happen?

WHERE were you at fault? And can you change those factors to ensure the slate is clean if you are to try again? If you want a different result, you must do things differently. Yes, it can be done. Nothing is impossible. But you need to be ready for it, open to it and emotionally available.

It needs to be said upfront, you can never rekindle a love lost if you cannot deal with why you self-sabotaged a situation. Your relationships with others are always a reflection of you.

Listen to understand, not to speak

When you develop healthy boundaries, many other good things will result as well, but you need to do a big clean up along the way. Bad habits, poor choices, and toxic relationships will all have to go. The positive side of self-sabotage is you begin to see that the answers are always within. Every time you self-sabotage, you just need to look at yourself. There is a wealth of information in your behavior that you can either ignore or acknowledge. Do the latter and you will grow. Do the former, history will keep repeating itself. You need to be emotionally present and available.

You might find yourself pushing someone away when you are feeling vulnerable because it is scary. When a relationship with a healthy person begins to develop in deeper ways, whatever lies within you has light shed on it. And if you have fear inside you or pain, it will begin to surface.

It is the surfacing of painful emotions and fear, that often bring about self-sabotage. Because you are not offering love. You are offering a version of love, full of mixed messages. And leave. This is who you are, being reflected back at you. Take a look. Learn from losing the love of your life. Be brave and accept yourself. Learn to love yourself first — only then can you really open your heart to another.

Losing the one person you want to spend your life with

What a powerful quote. I think we give the love we are capable of too. If you know you have emotionally shortchanged someone special, open up your heart to yourself. Regarding broken hearts: You can only mend yours. Stop focusing outwards on trying to love others if you are currently unable to love yourself. Truly, self-sabotage is rooted in a feeling of being undeserving of good things. Understand this, and you will quickly pick up on it when something triggers you into this state. There is an advantage to be gained in this knowledge and when you are aware of this connection, you can prevent yourself from falling into the same trap.

You are vulnerable when in this state, and the pain is a gift because it helps you grow and move forward. You cannot move forward or heal without pain. To get back the one that got away, you need to be ready to share your vulnerabilities and apologize in the most heartfelt way.

And you will not find that hard to do if you are truly connected to your emotions in a healthy way. Whatever is manifesting on the outside is a direct result of what lies inside. Remember, there was a time when this person was in your life and wanting you too. Go into any communication with an open heart. The worst-case scenario is they will be unable to say yes to you.

What i’ve learned from heartbreak

That is a life-changing bestowal to receive. Treasure it. Only a healthy emotionally available person can give you something like this. If they had chosen to stay, it would have been a breeding ground for more dysfunction, more emotional drama and zero growth. They have walked away.

To do that would have hurt them too. They have had to heal from and accept a loss also. How much healing needed to be done on their part, is dependent on the reasons they moved on. If you began pushing them away because you felt scared of intimacy, that is different to serial cheating on them. All in all, though, anything you do to ruin something good, always comes back to YOU.

The other party is collateral damage. But you need to own your part in hurting and involving them through your unresolved issues. Since moving on, perhaps they found new love. You may have learned your lesson, you may have changed, but water does flow under the bridge.

The past is the past. You have no control over some things.