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This is unfortunately a far more common problem than most people think. You have found the perfect girlfriend. She is beautiful, kind and cares for you deeply. The only problem is that she is boring. You originally enjoyed the relationship while you were still infatuated with her.
Don't freak out if you've been feeling kind of yawn-y around your partner. There are approximately a million and one things to do when you get bored in your relationship.
Because while boredom in a relationship is often cause for alarmthere's really no need to panic. Most of us grow tired with our everyday routinesincluding our connection with our partner, because we are human and we crave variety. But it can be easily remedied, with a little effort. According to relationship experts, there are plenty of ways to combat the day in, day out lull of long-term relationships.
If you're feeling a bit stultified by the daily grindmake the decision to do something about it. You'll be feeling much peppier in no time. In fact, even if you're quite satisfied with your relationship, keep in mind it never hurts to try new hobbies, shake things upand learn more about each other, as a way of staying close and having fun again. All of that said, don't be afraid to call things off if the boredom seems deep and unfixable.
If you try the tips listed below, talk to your partner, and still don't see any improvement, "it may be time to ask yourself if the energy you're investing is worth the return," Cyndi Darnella sex and relationship therapist, tells Bustle. If you're all but falling asleep in your relationship, it may mean you're actually bored in general, and not necessarily bored with your partner, Darnell says. So start by taking a look at your current goals. Is there a little whisper within you that you are ignoring about how you want to change yourself?
A creative project that you're not nourishing?
Heed that first before jumping on the relationship," Darnell says. Once you give it some thought, you might find that the problem is within.
Basically, the saying "it's not you, it's me" applies, and means it's time to work on yourself in order to have a more fulfilling relationship. While it may seem like you know everything about each other, there's always more to learn about a partner, even in a long-term relationship. And according to Melissa Wesner, LCPCa d clinical professional counselor and owner of LifeSpring Counseling Services, it's only when you stop being curious that boredom sets in.
There are plenty of prompts online, such as the Card Decks App from the Gottman Institute, Wesner says, that can get things going.
1. make sure you're taking good care of yourself
As you ask questions, it'll feel like you're getting to know each other all over again. And that will add some much-needed zest to an otherwise dull phase in your relationship. If you two are doing the same thing day in and day out, you will start to feel bored and "stuck. Choose a goal, and chat about the steps you'll take to get there. Even if it's just a quick weekend trip or a simple dinner party at home, if you have something to be excited about on the horizon, it'll make your relationship that much more interesting.
Have you ever been on a staycation? And it might be just what your relationship needs. Choose a time to "get away," then hide your phones and focus on each other for the whole day by making dinner, choosing the perfect movie, or going for a walk in the park. Or, do it up a bit more by booking a hotel room for one night in your city, and treating yourselves to room service. You'll "return home" — aka back to your apartment — feeling more stoked about your relationship.
If you aren't sure how to start fixing a sense of boredom, you can always go back to the beginning of your relationship, Samantha Danielsa professional matchmaker and founder of The Dating Lounge dating appsays, and think about what brought you together in the first place. Plus, it's simply fun to reminisce. It's so easy to take bored other for granted, but thinking back to those early days can produce all sorts of warm, fuzzy feelings, and before you know it you'll be full of joy and appreciation again.
The fastest way to stop snoozing is to start being silly, Dr. Tina B. Tessinaa psychotherapist and author of Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differencestells Bustle, which is why she recommends looking for ways to make each other giggle, if you aren't already. Or simply get more jokey in your everyday lives. It's so easy to fall into a dull routine, especially when you've been together long-term. But you can always inject silliness back into your lives by making an effort to do so. If you're clowning around and trying to make each other smile, you'll be too busy laughing to be bored.
Sometimes you have to be very deliberate about girlfriend a dull period around, which is why making a pledge to try one new thing a day may be your best best, Danielle Sepulveresa sex educator, tells Bustle. If your normal day looks like waking up, going to work, working out, eating dinner, and girlfriend to sleep, find ways to add something new to that schedule. The list of possibilities goes on and on. Whatever you do, find that "one thing that makes the day feel different, which can change up your routine for the better, or become a new tradition and make you feel less like you're in a rut doing the same things over and over," she says.
It isn't always easy to do, but stepping outside your comfort zone is a surefire way to add more excitement to your relationship, Kara Lissy, LCSWa psychotherapist at A Good Place Therapy and Consultingtells Bustle. It can be as easy as watching a new TV show together, she says, instead of the same program you've seen times. But also think along the lines of cooking dinner instead of ordering out again, or seeking adventure on the weekends instead of staying in. Since trying something new by yourself is another way to breathe life back into your relationship, think about something you've always wanted to do, but have been putting off due to fear, and do it.
While you might be wondering what improv or hair dye have to do with your relationship, it's all about trying something new, and the domino effect it can have on your relationship, Masini says. By challenging yourself, you'll bring a new energy back to your life, which in turn bored impact your partner. You'll have stories to tell, and a new sense of confidence for having overcome a fear. Remember those first 10 or 15 dates when you were freshly in love and head-over-heels for each other?
Yeah, do those again. If, on your first few dates, you watched a certain movie, ate amazing Indian food, and walked through the park while eating ice cream, go ahead and do it all over again. Even if it isn't a perfect recreation, the point is to get the feeling of new love flowing again by triggering old, happy memories. It's about remembering why you fell in love in the first place, so you don't become complacent in your relationship. Jansen says it's important to get up and get moving, as a way to literally shake off feelings of boredom.
Build adventures that are both fun and bonding. We've all heard that regular date nights are beneficial. But as psychologist Dr. Nikki Martinez says, they really should be mandatory. Or, and I girlfriend this better, alternate weeks where one person chooses the activity, and the other person promises to go along with it.
That way you'll both know there's not only a date on the horizon, but one that could potentially be a surprise. Relationships take effort, so don't feel bad bored having to "plan" your fun. This trick will ensure you both have a good time and stay connected — and that'll leave little room for boredom. Along the same lines, be sure that you're not just phoning it in when it comes to date night, but mixing it up, Dr.
Ramani Durvasulaa relationship expert and author, tells Bustle. Don't just order from your favorite Thai restaurant for the hundredth time in a row, but instead make an effort to think outside the box. Again, it's all about being game and ready to try something new. Even if the plan sounds a bit different, "the other person goes, no questions asked," Durvasula says.
You can keep up your Thai restaurant tradition, but adding in a few out-of-the-box dates here and there will keep you both on your toes.
2. be curious and ask your partner questions
There's something to be said for a dose of adrenaline every now again, especially if you're both bored out of your minds. So think about what might get your blood pumping — like kayaking down a river, going to the top of a skyscraper, or even watching a scary movie — and give it a try.
A thrilling experience, big or small, "promotes the release of oxytocin, the bonding hormone often referred to as the 'love hormone,'" Crystal Brhawa relationship counselor, tells Bustle. And once that's flowing, it's darn near impossible to feel "blah" about anything.
Oxytocin is also essential in attachmentBrhaw says. It quite literally bonds you, since your brains will experience the same rush of adrenaline as you "survive" something mildly scary together. If you don't currently have a hobby you can share together, it's time to start one. Again, "this works because it takes you out of your comfort zone," Joseph P. Find something you both enjoy, and make it your own. Do this new hobby on a regular basis, and take it seriously. Be willing to try out each other's hobbies as well — or at the very least show support.
Not only will it be horizon-expanding for you both, but it'll send the message that you're invested in each other's happiness. Let's say you've always been super into hiking, but your partner isn't much of an outdoors person. There's so much bonding to be had if only they'd you on occasion and give it a try.
And vice versa. By introducing each other to your own, personal hobbies, you'll be getting a glimpse into what makes the other tick, which can be exciting and eye-opening. Plus, it's fun to teach each other the ropes, hear what they think about your hobby, and bond over a potentially new, shared passion. According to Dr. Lauren Cooka therapist and author, boredom in a relationship is often a good. But that doesn't necessarily mean you have to sit back and accept it — especially in the bedroom. Cook suggests letting a "blah" feeling motivate you to have a conversation about reconnecting, including what you'd like to do to spice things up.
Talk about fantasies, have sex in new and interesting places — like a hotel room or in the back of your car — and get more comfortable talking about sex in general, so that you both know what the other wants and needs. A boring relationship can lead to boring sex, and vice versa. But if you both strive to make improvements in this particular area, you'll likely feel better overall. So before you start blaming your boredom on a lack of love or chemistry, try spending time apart. By cultivating your own hobbies, interests, and girlfriends, you'll feel refreshed — and have fun stories to tell bored other, once you reunite.
There's also something to be said for injecting a little mystery into your relationship, clinical psychologist Dr.