You're probably always hearing that you could be having better sex, a better orgasm, or a better relationship. But how often do your hear the nitty-gritty of how you can actually better understand your deepest desires and most embarrassing questions, such as how to kiss someone well? Bustle asked Vanessa Marina d sex psychotherapistto help us out with the details.
It's a known fact that one of the greatest prequisites required for some good sex is how you initiate a kiss. Making out is as essential as pre-heating an oven to bake your goodies. If you need your baked goods to be perfect, play around with the temperature a little first. Most people have different techniques and indulgences where kissing is involved.
If you're trapped in the fervour of emotions, kissing someone you like can be exciting and intense at the same time. If it's something casual, then it's only fair to have your tongue game on point and make it an eventful victory, with the most flexible part of your body.
A good kisser, who knows how to use his tongue just about right, will go a long way, as opposed to someone who is just crappy at kissing. To be absolutely honest, tongue kissing can be a scary ordeal. It's like putting something moist and slimy into another person's moist and slimy body cavity and acing the technique.
If you do it wrong, there is no coming back from it. I mean it's not as bad as being held at gunpoint or escaping a nuclear attack but it dims your chances to get laid, if at all. So, if you're a first timer or want to use your tongue with your partner more adequately, check out some of these super easy ways to do so.
You're not going to war really, you're in a very free flowing, easy going sort of space so don't rush it! Unless, of course, it's a heated make out session. Ease your way into kissing and for crying out loud, don't stick your tongue right in at first and move it around like a mouse looking for cheese. Kissing someone should be relaxing and sensual, so go in nice and slow and when you settle in, you'll eventually find your groove.
Take your time
You can tell almost instantaneously when the right time is to move in with your tongue. If they appreciate the initiation, they will open their mouth wilfully for you to go about and explore. Just take the lead here and go with your partner's flow and you'll fall in sync.
The pressure has to be just about right. Think about it like a handshake. If it's too aggressive, you'll end up squeezing the life out of someone's hand! If it's too limp, you're a pansy. So, it really all depends on the kinda pressure you apply.
Don't force your tongue down their gullet, that'll just repel them. It will also lead to teeth clashing, or pushing them back with force, which can get annoying. Just be tender and gentle, when you first initiate a kiss. If your partner isn't taking the lead then don't shy away taking it instead.
Use the right amount of pressure
It's absolutely okay to. Just slide your tongue gently and touch their lip with your tongue, so that they slightly part them, so you can slide your tongue all the way in. If they don't react, you needn't worry. Just pull back gently.
They might not be ready for some tongue action yet!
Using too much tongue can absolutely ruin the kiss and make her lose interest in you altogether. When you start kissing someone, don't use your tongue at first. Think of it this way- your tongue is your final armour you're gonna slay her with!
Figure how to use your lips instead, at first. Start with a slight peck on her lip and then caress her lips with yours before you pull the big guns out.
When there has been enough lip action, slowly inch your tongue towards her lips and part them gently. Gently being the keyword. Remember, your tongue is a very strong muscle, so don't rush it in! Once there is some sort of reciprocation from her end, with her tongue, you start swirling your tongue around her mouth slowly and if she appreciates that, you're good to go! Always go with the 'less is more' technique.
When you finally find a home for your tongue inside her mouth, gently swirl it around at first. Don't thrust, it's not your dick! Also, don't lick her teeth or let your tongue lay there, flaccid wondering what to do next! It's best to kiss and tongue at the same time. So when you do swirl your tongue, use your lips to kiss her too. Here's a trade secret: sucking on your partner's tongue and lips is a big turn on and by sucking we don't mean suck the life out of it.
These 7 easy techniques explain how to use your tongue while kissing
Gently suck on either, like it's a piece of candy. Yes, you read that right!
That's the best way to figure how much pressure your tongue is actually capable of. Try practicing on the back of your hand. Push your tongue against it as hard as you can then as soft as you can and when you find a middle ground, go with exactly that pressure when you use your tongue during the kiss. There isn't anything to get nervous or anxious about kissing or getting some tongue on tongue action. If it's your first time with someone or first time ever, just go with your natural instinct and base that on your partners reaction to your touch.
Kissing is therapeutic and tonguing is sexy! So mix the two up as much as you possibly can! Shop Read.
How to take your kissing to the next level
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