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What to do when your daughter is dating the wrong guy

Sometimes your dislike for your daughter's boyfriend goes beyond normal parental protectiveness; you really have a strong feeling that the guy she's chosen is insincere, inconsiderate or potentially violent.

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Australian Women's Weekly. The arrival of a baby girl als endless hopes and dreams of a future filled with dress-up dolls, pigtails and plaits, netball games and school dances. These guys ooze testosterone, which is attractive.

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First, he does not talk to us and we feel he is just different.

I understand not everyone is a talker and some people are just quiet, but when you come to our home you could at least try and engage in conversation. He will text me telling me that he is just a quiet guy and does not feel in his comfort zone and would like to meet with me and my husband so we can get to know him, why send a text when you can do that when you come over?

Secondly, he has a 6-year-old little boy who is non-verbal autistic. This makes it even harder.

What to do when your daughter is dating a dud

Our daughter is 28 years old and has moved back home with us while her boyfriend is going to school in another city and his parents are taking care of his child because he lives at home also. Our daughter has never been married nor does she have any children. I have tried to lay out a foundation that raising a special needs child is a challenge. Even though I personally have not encountered this, I do know it is a challenge. She is not a motivator and I am not sure this is for her. She says she has no problem with it, and they will do just fine.

She is not allowed to have her boyfriend spend the night at our home, I feel this is out of respect, but his parents allow her to stay over there, so anytime he comes home she is over there. The parents do not speak English but are able to communicate with her.

My husband and son feel the same way. This is tough for us as parents and I just want to scream with sadness and hurt seeing this all happen right before my eyes. Any suggestions are welcomed. I believe you that your daughter and her boyfriend are headed toward ificant challenges that would test any couple. This clarity will give you more peace regardless of what they choose to do. However, what if this is the life she wants? When you judge her life as unacceptable, you run the risk of alienating her and creating more disconnection between you.

If she someday chooses to be done with him, then you can continue to love her as she figures out her next move. You know nothing about this young man and his family. This is a wonderful opportunity for you to put aside your fears and prejudices and learn as much as you can about him and his life. Take every opportunity you can to welcome him into your family culture. Ask him about what he loves about being a father. Find out what challenges he faces having a special needs.

Ask him about his family. See what he loves about your daughter. See what she loves about him. They are both committing to each other and trying to build a life together.

She is the one who has to decide if she wants to share her life with him. You only have to decide how you will treat him. These arrangements are between you and her, not between you and her and her boyfriend. You can extend mercy and compassion to them, as they will be the ones who have to do the hard work. He may feel inadequate and overwhelmed caring for this .

Communicate openly

They will have things to figure out if they go forward, but they will have more success with the compassionate support of loving family. It may require that you suffer with her as she figures out what she wants and what will work best for her. She needs to know that your love for her is bigger than the choices she makes. While you may have some concerns and observations to share with your daughter, I encourage you to first spend time getting to know more about her and how she feels about this direction for her life.

Spend more time getting to know her boyfriend.

Deepen your love and interest. You have nothing to lose by opening your hearts to them. Geoff will answer a new family and relationship question every Friday. You can your question to him at [ protected]. This includes my week Trust Building Bootcamp for those who have broken trust and want to repair their marriage. Visit www. Geoff Steurer is a d marriage and family therapist in St. George, Utah.

He is the founder of LifeStar of St. George, Utah www. He is married to Jody Young Steurer and they are the parents of four children. With all my respects to DL Anderson, your generalization an assumption for not "speaking English" about hispanics is a little off line. NOT all hispanics are the same, not everyone who doesn't speak english is hispanic.

Besides, she could be dating an American, returned missionary and still have the same situationif not worse. Lots of prayers. I think it's important to note here that the boyfriend is clearly on the autism spectrum himself, probably Asperger's, or what some call high functioning autistic. His being awkward in direct communication is a huge tip-off, not to mention having an autistic .

It's often genetic. He may well need the daughter's help with handling his child if he feels at a loss as how to take care of him. It's up to the daughter to decide if she wants to continue in that capacity her whole life or not. It's not for the faint of heart, especially when the child is non-verbal.

Then it wouldn't be seen as such a burden to her after all. That would actually be a topic the parents could ask her about, if it's something she likes doing anyway. All her parents can do is calmly express concern to her, but not make her feel attacked or judged. Joe April 18, With all my respects to DL Anderson, your generalization an assumption for not "speaking English" about hispanics is a little off line.

How to convince a daughter she has picked the wrong guy

Rose C. Walker April 18, I think it's important to note here that the boyfriend is clearly on the autism spectrum himself, probably Asperger's, or what some call high functioning autistic. The Washington D. Most Read Yesterday's Articles.

By Church News. By Daniel C. Wallace Goddard and Barbara Keil.

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